100% Happy with myself (fake)

Two days ago was my mom's birthday. Out of all her sons and daughters, I was the only one able to visit her. Of course, it was a workday and my brothers are working; they'll have time to share with her this weekend.

My sister trusts me a lot and gave me some money to bring her a little something from her.

I am good at buying gifts for people I love and know well. That day, I was able to take care of and pamper my mother so she could have a special day, although I know very well that any day can be special. However, it never hurts to bring extra joy to our loved ones.

_{Of course, this wasn't the gift I brought my mom. I like to give useful gifts.}

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My brothers and sisters trust me for many things because I have earned that trust over the years through my actions. For example, they trust me to handle money for some of my mom’s expenses, knowing I will use it wisely.

Many people trust me. The owner of the bakery where I work a few days leaves me the cash register without counting the money, and we don’t even do formal reconciliations. It’s not just bread we sell there—also some sweets and soft drinks. If I had bad intentions or bad habits, I would have the freedom to act improperly, but I’ve earned their trust through my honesty and ethics.

Because of the reasons mentioned above, and some others that aren’t coming to mind right now, I feel happy with myself. I like being trustworthy and earning the confidence of those close to me.

However, I’m not always happy with myself. Yesterday, I worked half a day at the bakery. The owner gives me the freedom to take my own payment, and I did. I deducted the cost of a soda I drank last week and a juice I had yesterday. I was satisfied with my honesty and integrity in that regard. But ironically, one of the things I dislike is that I still work at that bakery. I don’t want to do it anymore. I’d like to be doing other things with my life, pursuing other jobs or trades. I’ve wanted to leave that job for a while, but I remain stuck in a vicious cycle.

Yesterday afternoon, I had free time, and I wasted it on social media, watching content I know doesn’t bring me anything positive. I was there foolishly, stupidly, not moving forward, stuck... That doesn’t make me feel satisfied with myself, much less happy. If I continue like this, time will keep passing, and I’ll stay in the same situation, which often overwhelms me.

It’s quite possible that with focus and discipline, I can make a significant change in my life and find greater personal satisfaction. I have some ideas in mind, but I’ve been procrastinating. Don’t ask me why—I’m actually reproaching myself for it… (Now, sighing).

I need to be strict with myself and put down my phone for most of the time, write down what I plan to do each day, by hand (they say this activity activates the brain), and follow through with the same integrity I apply to other matters.

I will have to return daily to this post and commit to myself, I want to be happy with myself, to know that I am giving the best of myself for myself. What am I waiting for? 🤷‍♀

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This writing is inspired by @galenkp's proposal for