What is the best way to ask my therapist for a hug? He allows hugs but im not sure if its just for upset clients or if he does end of session hugs. I do not know how to word it without feel shamed and needy for asking.

It sounds like there is a lot to talk about and explore here. More than just a simple yes/no question.

My advice is that before you and your therapist actually hug each other, you first thoroughly explore what him hugging you means to you and what he would be intending to communicate with you through a hug (if he provides them).

So in having those conversations, I would suggest laying down a ground rule, that until the issue has been thoroughly explored and you two are both on the same page about what a hug from him would mean to you, the two of you do not hug each other. You might begin your next session by saying you’d like to talk with him about hugging but let’s both agree that we won’t hug after this session. With that ground rule laid, it will take the sting out of any sense of rejection you might feel if it turns out that his answer to your request is no. Also, you’ll be able to discuss it more objectively without the looming question hanging over your head of “will there be a hug at the end of this session?” You’ve already decided there won’t be.

Talk about it as much as you need to. Talk about what it brings up for you. Talk about the desires and longings you have. Talk about all of it. I think it will become clear to both of you from those conversations if an actual hug would be beneficial to you or not.