What In Tarnation? (Alex Jones NWO Wars)

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The hell is this game? Alex Jones actually made one and it's overpriced as hell? Ok, ah, is it any fun? Yeah, but maybe that's the last thing on anyone's mind right now. This guy offends just about everyone, maybe he is the true patriot people need. Ok, that bit I joke, I am no American.

But I do know Alex Jones, and NWO Wars is this ridiculous cash-in on his insanity. I mean, who are we kidding, BroForce could have probably made him into a DLC and called it a day. This one is a Metal Slug rip-off, but super basic, yet charmingly absurd and satirical. Also, Joe Rogan is a centaur, who runs people over. He still asks Jamie to Google stuff though.

The price of admission is a little too contentious, because 22 USD for a game that's only about less than an hour short, and has not even extra content to boot. The UI looks ass, and no way to allow d-pad for movement. There's extra content coming in the future, but I ain't holding my breath.

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Disclaimer: I am not politically affiliated, nor do I endorse, promote any of the ideologies here, this is a game review, will reviewed for gaming purpose

You know, Alex Jones at least can make me laugh, because he can say all the obscene stuff and it's so absurd. Sure, he needs to get on the bad side of other people, but I am here for the popcorn. I don't live in the US, so none of this has anything to do with me.

The game at first starts on a lab, the visuals look pretty detailed, probably a flash game, I might have malware running now. The controls are simple, A button for jump, pressing trigger to shoot, and moving with the left analog and aiming with it same time.

Next I fight is a bunch of deranged scientists with big syringes, hazmat suits with flamethrowers, the orientation challenged frogs, and ah, I guess walls and other obstacles I have to shoot. Default weapon is a pistol, but machine guns are picked up with limited ammo. And then after fighting off the enemies, I come to a boss battle. A facsimile of Tim Cook I guess.

Alex Jones says a lot of ridiculous things, like Part McCartney dying 50 years ago, that line from Scarface, and stupid b**ch whenever he dies. It's extra cheese on top of the ridiculous premise built up, I am mowing down psychopaths that are jumping like Donkey Kong all over me.

I also like how it just looks like BroForce, but more slower. Though, the boss battles provided a lot of challenge, and considering just how limited the controls feel, in fairness it's a good balancing act of staying alive while shooting at the bad guy.

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The game design overall isn't bad, if you like playing them brain-dead. But there's weird, silly moments once every while, I would get trapped but all I had to do was constantly shoot it down to "destroy the walls". Level design is varied in terms of enemy placement, and platform sections. The most engaging part where the boss battles, I died a lot in these.

And that's because the attack patterns are tricky to see, then again I kind of also struggled with the controls. Why they couldn't enable the D-pad as a way to move his character is beyond me. Also, the bullet sprites look like nerf-gun pallets. How far do all the jokes go?

Next stop. San Francisco. Yes, this time am reminded he hates communists, and calls people libtards. The enemy design is pretty different here as well. Most of them are hobos, some carry carts, and whenever they die, poop with blood comes out. huge face palm

A non-ending barrage of derogatory allegories, and testosterone filled massacres later, Centaur Rogan shows up and he antes up the splatter fest. Easily mows down every single one, complementing Alex Jones theories, for some conspicuous reasons, stating the homeless zombies are disgusting, and draws his curiosities on the gay frogs with Jamie.

But best part comes much later in the level, unfortunately for Joe, the ride ends a lot sooner. So back boots on the ground, shooting down the poor denizens of San Francisco. The gameplay was wearing off, because nothing changed, gameplay was the same the first 10 minutes.

I needed something to lift my spirits, and boy, this next boss battle did. I got to battle the lizard giant himself, weirdly enough, they got his appearances even right, might result a lawsuit in the near future, but who cares. I am actually more than fine shooting at his evil incarnation. The one joke everyone's willing to be a part, so am I.

And this is where I kind of stopped. I got the whole gist of it, and all of it in less than 30 minutes time. The next level is even more insane, because it takes place in the Epstein island. A boomer's attempt at a huge 4chan meme, and it kind of works? But way too heavy-handed.

I don't know, that asking price is still a lot. But I tell you what, you should buy this game if you're curious, play the 1hr, and then ask Steam to refund it. The jokes all come in full circle.

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