Life Goes On!

I don't know how other people in my country are feeling right now. I've always been one of those who says that Christmas is something you carry inside, and I still firmly believe that. So I wonder if everyone else is really okay with all the chaos surrounding what we're experiencing, because I'm not; for the first time this year, I feel very overwhelmed by everything that's happening, and maybe it's because I always expect the most sublime feelings around this time of year, but this year it's just not happening for me...

Christmas has always held a special meaning for me. I've always felt it as a time of rebirth with Christ and a time for reflection, even though I thoroughly enjoy the decorations and all the commercialism surrounding this time of year, which is completely detached from reality, like Santa Claus, for example. But the real and the imaginary always come together and create a sense of unity among people, and I've always appreciated that.

I've been trying for days to figure out why I feel this way this year, beyond the obvious reasons like politics and the economy, and sadly, I've realized that the people around me are also affecting me. The people closest to me aren't doing well; they're demotivated in their own lives, and I think it's always been this way, especially in recent Decembers. But there's something new this year... I don't have the strength to support others anymore. At some point along the way, I got tired too, for various reasons, and I don't think that's wrong, it's just that I'm genuinely exhausted at a time when it seems I shouldn't be, because Christmas means so many things.

I think I still have time to change my mood. After all, for believers like me, this is a magical time, and even in the illusion of movies, there's always a happy ending. Maybe the Christmas magic will touch me in the coming days and I'll stop feeling like these decorations in a Caracas Subway station that you can see in the photos I'm sharing here; lonely, dull, trying to disguise the reality of what's happening on the streets...

What a huge void I feel! In fact, I wonder if last Christmas I simply convinced myself that I was okay. I think it was more real two Christmases ago, when I was sad, bitter, and upset because it was the first December after Dad's death. It's almost three years since that happened, and although we seem stable at home, the absence of that pillar will always be felt... I'd like to say that I'm fine, and that I can carry my weight and his, and maybe my brother thinks the same, but wow, it's difficult... I've finally understood that Dad can never be replaced in any way... We'll continue to discover this new way of life without him, and deep down I know we'll be alright, even though everything is more complicated now, it doesn't matter... Life goes on!.