The high cost of attraction - what's too much?

When she cleared out her house, my mom's best friend generously gifted me a bunch of items, including several items of brand new clothing. I doubt I've bought new underwear, pantyhose or other such in the past year, merely thanks to her great generosity. Besides being brand new, the items are all very high quality, since this isn't a person to skimp, certainly.

Last night, I reached for a pair of pantyhose to go under my New Year outfit. At random, I grabbed one of the ones this lady had gifted me, and they happened to be one of those body shaping ones. You know, the kind that tuck in your belly and give your but a nicer roundness or whatnot. Anyway, I wasn't looking for that. I'm quite a skinny person at the moment, so don't feel the need for such gimmicks. Didn't when I was a little heavier, either. Particularly not with pantyhose. I mean, if you ask me, they're one of the sexiest items of clothing on earth, the normal non-shaping ones, I mean. I don't really think you need to go the extra mile.

Anyway, these were the first to hand, and I put them on hurriedly. One pair of pantyhose is, in my book, as good as the next. Until I was running around the kitchen, in a rush to get the treats done and everything. And I couldn't breathe. I thought at first it was the agitation of the closing year, the rush to get everything done. But no. As I steadied myself a bit, I realized it wasn't my inner world that was making breathing difficult, it was the pantyhose. They were cutting into my stomach and restricting breathing.

Fucking hell, I thought.

I loosened up my skirt a little, and tucked them a little lower than my waistline, and it was in the end manageable.

However, I kept thinking about my mom's friend, the one who'd bought these contraptions initially and who, down the years, has struggled (like most women) with a few extra pounds. I thought, if I was having this trouble with them, imagine being someone who did buy them for the shaping quality. Someone who, perhaps in the absence of time, needs to get that perfect waist prontissimo within the hour.

How are you supposed to breathe?

And towards what end put yourself through such misery?

The obvious answer is in search of attraction. Fair. Except there's a famous scene in Bridget Jones's Diary that keeps coming to mind. Wearing such shaping "granny" undies, Bridget ends up in bed with the dashing guy Hugh Grant plays, who then is flummoxed by and begins mocking the outsize shaping panties.

Now, it's not the case with these pantyhose. They're not ostensibly unappealing. But a lot of this "shaping" "beauty-enhancing" lingerie is. It's unappealing, and I would imagine, humiliating when the object of your desire finally gets under your skirt, you know?

Except women don't wear this stuff for men.

We mostly wear them for other women. I was listening to a fascinating podcast with Louise Perry the other day, one of my favorite (truly) feminist figures of our modern world, and she was pointing out just that. All of these complex "beautifying" items that we women resort to aren't in the interest of the opposite gender.

As the podcast host (male) pointed out, guys would probably be peak happy if women just went around in comfy, no-name leggings all damn day. Imagine how much happier women would be, too!

While there are physical things that will make a woman more attractive to the opposite gender, they're seldom what you expect. Things like long hair, for instance, go way further in securing male attention than something fancy, or a particularly feisty attire.

Largely, the reason women put themselves through these hellish contraptions is to "win" the ongoing competition with other women. Obviously, that plays into the overall mating game, too, but not in the way we expect.
Logically, the reason I might want to appear skinnier isn't to attract a man. Most men are not as picky as women think and, for the most part, a couple extra pounds won't prevent one from being attracted to you. But it's not for them I'd be trying to slim myself down. It's for the other women at a certain event or gathering.

To show the perfect figure, impossible as it may be, is to mark myself the perfect woman, and thus above them. Which would, logically, warrant my pick of the men, sure. But also award me status within the female hierarchy that I am so desperate to climb. We all are. Much as we like to think we're "dressing up" for our men, we're more often than not trapped inside our own personal power games. And the woman we're trying our damnedest to "beat"? To prove something to?

The one in the mirror. It's why we'd dress provocatively even when there's no other women around to impress, or men to attract. And as long as we don't convince her, as long as we don't convince ourselves that beauty isn't in "shaping" undies, but in the wrinkles that form around your mouth when you smile, well, I guess we're gonna keep struggling for air.

What do you wear to feel sexy? What do you find sexy on other people? (both genders welcome to answer :D)

For me, the sexiest things I own are shirts I'm comfortable in. Oversize dresses. Woolly dresses. Things that aren't excessively figure-hugging. Things that let you breathe. xD Same goes for everyone else I find attractive, really.