First Dates - Ask or be asked?

The dating culture has normalized men always being the ones taking initiative or been the move makers when it comes to asking someone out. It makes sense in a way because men are supposed to be leaders.

However, this doesn’t mean women shouldn’t or can’t ask men out. I don’t know about other guys, but I find girls that go after what they want (a guy in this case) attractive. Like you’re so confident in yourself and you want me so much that you risk getting turned down by a guy? That must be a hell of a love you have!

Normally though, I’d like to be the one that asks to take the other person on a physical date first. But on devices like on social media, there are some cases where ladies have asked me out first. In those cases, they’re not asking to me on a date(would be super cringey), but asking that you start dating or get into a relationship, or dropping hints for me to make a move on them. I find even this confident of them, but I haven’t met a girl who has asked me out first verbatim on a physical date itself before.

Maybe the girls I meet only have enough confidence to ask you out on phone, or don’t like me enough to risk asking me on a date in person and getting turned down, or maybe they’re always just waiting for me to do the asking, which in most cases I never do unless I’m interested enough.

If it comes down to whether I would prefer to be the one asking the lady out or whether she be asking me out on a first physical date, I’ll say I prefer to be the one asking her out, but it depends on the type of girl and how interested I am. I’ll explain.

I’ve met some girls that are very assertive and know exactly what they want, when, where and how they want it. This category will ask you out directly and with details of what they have in mind. “Hey, do you want to hang out Sunday night to watch movies at my place?”. With girls like this, I’d rather the girl asks me out. The problem in this case, I’ll explain later.

On another note, I’ve met girls who no matter how much they’re into you, just won’t ask you out on a first date themselves. At least not on a physical first date. Sure, they might tell you directly on social media that they like you and want to date you, but they won’t propose to take you on a date (first date) themselves for reasons known to them. In this scenario, you either ask her out to that first date yourself or you fumble her. It’s up to you be the masculine man and do the asking. If you’re interested enough, of course. I’d prefer to be the one asking her out in this case, because it’s an ask or miss there.

The good thing about being the one asking her out on a date is you get to choose the specifics of the date. You choose a place that suits your pocket, and a date or time that fits into your schedule. Of course, you might have to compromise in some way if your choice of place or time for instance don’t match her pocket (in rare cases where you agree to splitting the bill) and schedule. It takes two to make a date work, and if your plans don’t align with hers, I’m afraid one won’t do.

Another thing also is that asking her out yourself just feels more masculine and probably increases your chances. It puts you in charge and you can steer things where you want them to go.

Now here are some potential downsides to relaxing and letting the assertive girls ask you out.

On a general perspective, letting the woman be the one making the moves or decisions in some cases can make her start trying to dominate you in other aspects of your life or the relationship if it advances (maybe even subconsciously without her noticing that she’s doing that) and it’s safe to say that doesn’t end well.

Another thing specifically on the case of her asking you out is that she could either choose places outside your budget, or dates that don’t fit on your schedule. But hey, you can always say no, and propose something different right? Asking her out yourself is the way to prevent having to even go through that.

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I wrote this post about two months ago for one of the weekend experience community’s prompts, but never got to make it on time. It’s been wasting in my drafts since then because I didn’t want to post it by myself(if that makes any sense), but I figured I might as well push it out today.